Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
