it's like iHOP with fire
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
