you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
