You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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