I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We don't watch enough power rangers
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
