I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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