That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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