I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize