No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
