woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
