operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize