I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
