Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
