"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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