does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
