I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
false alarm, still single
Randomize
