somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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