GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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