Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
