i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
