u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
