marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
