i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
