Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
