____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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