When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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