we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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