Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
