Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
