Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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