Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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