Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
