I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
