I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
