there's paper in my vomit.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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