Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
