Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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