she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
