Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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