Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
