got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The adults are the big ones right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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