Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
