3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
