i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize