I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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