Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
