I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
