I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
