Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have aggressive nipples.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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