It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
