At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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