My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
