R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
