Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
