I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
