That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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