Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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