those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
