does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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