the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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