even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
