it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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