Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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