Quick, to the slutcave!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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