He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
