I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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