i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
