He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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