Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize