Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize