so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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