I want to stick my p in your. b.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
