That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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