i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
