In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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