my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
