Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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