woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
