Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
