I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
