I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
